Wednesday, October 01, 2008

A new life

It's been a little more then a year since moving up here to Canada. It really is amazing to see how far I've come since my sickness. I wanted to post about it because it's been on my heart to share with everyone how much I love and appreciate those who have care for me and seen me through some of my toughest times. I never would have thought growing up as a young teen and adult that I would be hit with a life long sickness such as Crohn's. I mean, I always was the weaker one in my family and had a lot of problems with my health. But then in my later teen and early adult years I was healthy as can be. So when I found out about my disease it was very hard to take, and to be honest I didn't know how to handle it...no one did. I was certain that I could find natural remedies and be healed within a few months if not less. I went through so many hard times, not knowing how to face a problem like this one. I always considered myself a cheerful, positive person. But with this sickness it really sucked the life right out of me and I felt good for nothing. I became so weak and in such terrible pain I had to stay in bed for the better part of five years.  I felt like such a failure to my family for not handling things better and for being such a burden to them. I wanted to do something in the physical to prove my worth. But as I began to learn during those years to let go of my pride. Could I trust God even if He took away my health, my job, even my family? Would I still trust Him then, knowing that He knew what was best for me? At first I'd have to say no. I couldn't see the good in my situation and I didn't see how all the pain I was suffering and the pain I was causing my family could be for my good. It was a real intense, I fought day in and day out. I was so weak and felt like I couldn't fight any more, it was to much for me to handle. But then that's where my family and friends really pulled me through and helped me to see that even though I was weak in the flesh that didn't mean I had to give up mentally and emotionally. I could still be a help and blessing to those in my life and to others as well. How? Through prayer! That time alone in bed was the time I needed to focus on others. To put them first and uphold them through my prayers. I began to see the good in all of this, there was a purpose for me. I finally stopped fighting and asking Him for my healing. I prayed and prayed and  even if that meant not healing me, even if I had to stay this way the rest of my life. When I came to that breaking point that's when I started seeing good things happen in my life. I wasn't healed over night but I was healed inside. I was at peace with God and ready to what He had in store for me. I saw little glimpses of His love for me. One day after praying so desperately I felt a rush of energy spring up in me. I got out of bed feeling so alive. I walked right into the kitchen and asked for some chicken. I hadn't been able to keep food down for months, So I tried and gobbled down 5 chicken wings and that night I felt just fine. I walked around the yard a bit which was a real struggle as I had no fat or muscle on my body what-so-ever, but that evening I felt the cool breeze on me and it wasn't a struggle at all. I just took that time to praise God for how good He was to me and for letting me experience the beauty of life, even if it was for a short period of time. I was so touched by His love for me as He let me feel that strength once again, reminding me that it wasn't over, that He was going to be there for me. So even after that day, I was still deathly sick I knew God was caring for me and He would see me through it.
Then, slowing after moving up here I began to regain my strength back.  Through the months I was in the hospital I got better each day.
I'm truly thankful for all that I've been through but I know I wouldn't have made it without your help as well. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who know me and even those who don't but upheld me in their prayers during my darkest hours. You were my strength that kept me going when I had no strength left. Thank you dear Zech and Hannah, Kelsey and even Vicky and Dante who were there for me, help care, cook and care for Devin during those months. Hannah I won't ever forget your kindness that helped me not give up. Your so amazing. Kelsey you were there for me as a friend and a good cook. Thank you! To John and Sara's home for taking me and my mom in when we first got up here and gave us a place to stay.
To the wonderful people in Canada who took me and my family in with no questions asked and cared for me like I was your own. You showed such concern and love that touched my heart. I will always love you guys! Your the best.

And last but not least...I wanted to save you for last because with out you I wouldn't be here. To my dear, wonderful, supporting family. Dad, mom and kids, you guys are truly the Greats in my book. You were there for me through everything. You fought with me, cried with me and prayed with me. And now once again we are living together, you've taken me in during this painful time.
I am healed and whole once again. Let's make each moment in our lives count. Life is to short to be wasted. Love!

Purto Rico with mom in 2005 ...70 lbs
Toronto Canada, 2007 ...80 lbs
Present, 2008....130 lbs!

13 comments:

i said...

Wow, Marieanne, that was a really beautiful testimony! Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us. I'm so glad to see the many prayers for your health finally being answered, PTL. I really love you lots and will continue to keep you in my prayers!

Love, Tat

Christina Lavigne said...

I am amazed by you, I'm holding back tears right now, that was so beautiful sweetie. You are to innocent and sweet it boggles my mind. I love you and know everything will be fine you are an amazing person, I would only hope to be more like you.

Kelsey Noble said...

You are so beautiful! I really look up to you, I know it was a really tough fight. *hugs*

MarieAnne said...

I love you so much too you guys!

John and Mireille said...

My dear Marie-Anne,
We rejoice with you in your healing. It was a fight but you were never a burden,we did have to get desperate in prayer but that is a good thing, through your suffering we all learned tremendous lessons of life that we wouldn't have learned any other way. You have done well, even in your lowest moments.
I love you and admire you, through your suffering you have come forward even more beautiful than ever. I love you!
Mom xoxox

Stephanie said...

You look Gorgeous Marieanne, you're such a fighter! I love you!

-xxx

Stephanie

bri-bri said...

WOW, words cant describe how beautiful you look !! You look amazing, healthy and stunning...

maria doehler said...

Marianne, I'm so glad you posted this. Such a beautiful testimony!
I can't tell you how gorgeous you look, and a big part of that is the beautiful glow you get when you've gone to hell and back and won the battle!
I can't wait to see you!

Poochies said...

Marianne that was beautiful. I'm so happy that you're fully healed, TYJ! You're so awesome, and amazing, and truly beautiful inside and out. Thank you for sharing your testimony with us. I love you!
xxx

John and Mya Paone said...

You look beautiful!!!!!
I love you, It was great getting to know you at the ED seminar. XXXX

--Mya

Victoria said...

Your testimony brought tears to my eyes. You are such a fighter, and you were a big encouragement to me when I went through my set of health problems in Tyler, I don't think I ever told you this, but you helped me to hang on. Thank you for fighting and hanging on. I was so happy to see you at the seminar, you are beautiful, and I love you and miss you.

MarieAnne said...

It was wonderful to get to know you too Mya! Thanks for letting me hang out with you at night ha!

And Vicky, I love you so much. I believe your a great fighter too. I'm just thankful that the Lord could use me during that hard time to help encourage you. It's really only Him,cause I sure didn't feel like I did anything to help anyone.

Junior said...

I don't know you but, but that was beautiful. You are such fighter to go through that and come out so positive. What recovery, you look beautiful! I hope that if something like that were to happen to me that I could take it like you did and come out as positive as you. I